@PaigeKellerman: 90% of being a parent is shouting, "Remember to flush the toilet." The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Nice shoes. Where'd you get them? Him: ... *peeks under bathroom stall* Did you hear me?
@ilovepie84: The Tin Man carries around an axe because he is constantly afraid Ironman is going to hit on his wife.
@Laser_Cat: The British are coming! The British are coming! The British have to get up early! The British swear they'll call you in the morning!
@mstluvstrinkets: People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman.