@PaigeKellerman: 90% of being a parent is shouting, "Remember to flush the toilet." The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: *enters password* COMPUTER: Weak and insecure ME: No it's not COMPUTER: Sorry, I was talking about you. Yeah, the password's fine
@thenatewolf: My Grandpa used to gather us around to tell us stories about surviving World War Two. My dad just gathered us around to watch a YouTube clip of an Asian child playing “Africa” by Toto on a rubber chicken.
@brookeisgolden: An underage sweater walks into a bar for the third time. The bartender says, "I'm gonna need to see your cardigan."