@ericonederful: 90% of owning a dog is telling it to stop barking.
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@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim
@SwedishCanary: I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving