@ericonederful: 90% of owning a dog is telling it to stop barking.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [at the mall] "I've lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?" "Sure, what's his name?" "Xander." "See, that's why he ran off."
@robfee: Can someone tell me the exact crime I need to commit to get put on house arrest because legally having to cancel plans sounds incredible.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well.