@Crunk_Jews: 90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
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@WookieInMyPants: Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out
@PonyMartini: Hell hath no fury like a toddler wants to "do it herself." Three hours later, I'm still waiting for her to get out of the car.
@Reverend_Scott: And on the 8th day, God created atheists and said, "Oh man, you're not gonna believe this."
@TheCatWhisprer: I hate it when I forget to bring my phone in the car and have to read a shampoo bottle while I drive.