@Crunk_Jews: 90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
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@Contwixt: FUN BIT OF TRIVIA...The hard-working individuals who discover and preserve ancient pastas and breads are called starchaeologists.
@moxieblogger: If you ever feel dumb, remember sometimes sloths grab their own arms thinking they are tree branches and fall to the ground.
@msbhaven81: I tried killing a spider with kindness, but found that a shoe was much more effective
@XplodingUnicorn: My wife says I'm wasting my time on Twitter. She doesn't understand the meaningful interactions I have with people.