@slimmy_shady: 911: whats your emergency Me: Come quick, my son has swallowed a condom*Click 911: whats your emergency Me: It's ok, found another one.
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@asimplesean: Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him
@Eric_Bader: Isn't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don't know what ironic means.