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@F0ll0w_Me_L0ve: 911: What's your emergency?
Me: Do you think I'm pretty
@DanMentos: date: So what do you do?
me: *pulls out stuffed fox* I'm a taxidermist
date: Oh wow
fox: and a ventriloquist
@Tmoney68: Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money's on LACK of intelligence.
@ThisOneSayz: Parenting doesn't prepare you for the awkward glances you get when a naked Ken doll falls out of your briefcase.
@meganamram: Remember: if you see a tie on my doorknob, it means I'm taking the door to prom
@BindzBrain: The last 3 minutes of any podcast could all be confessions to murder and we'd never know