@SamuelHLowe: - 911,what's your emergency?
- I'm out of beer!
- That's no emergency.
- Chest pain?
- We'll send an ambulance.
- Make sure they bring beer.
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: He pasta way? Here today, gone tomato. You cannoli do so much before thyme is up. Never sausage a tragedy. Olive my thoughts are with you.
@dubstep4dads: if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship
@Home_Halfway: Hi, 911? I see someone from high school in this coffee shop and they're the type to corner & chat me up and I don't know what to do HI LAURA
@LuvPug: I love the new Weight Watchers program. You can eat anything you want as long as you never join
@UrbanDouchebag: Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I write a letter to a prison inmate to tell them how much better my life is than theirs.
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