– 911,what's your emergency? – I'm out of beer! – That's no emergency. – Chest pain? – We'll send an ambulance. – Make sure they bring beer.

@yoyoha: Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law

1

@animatedtext: For all the people who doubted me: You were right

1

@SunshineJarboly: *family meeting at Noah's house* who wants us to do what by when?

1

@vodkachrome: My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what's for dinner.

1

@SallingsSam: For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet.

3

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