@jus4golf: 95% of my tweets are the truth. The only thing I lie about are statistics.
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@Reel2Dialog2: [Alien vs Predator] Alien: I can eat your face off Predator: I'm not allowed within 100 feet of a school
@LizHackett: I would be okay with a ghost in the house if every time a bathroom mirror fogged up with steam, it slowly wrote out "DID YOU LOSE WEIGHT?"
@joekjoek: How powerful must it feel for the dentist to start referring to your teeth by their secret "numbers" to the hygienist
@WesTheFatKid: Pro tip: "Hold my drink" is not a proper response to "License and registration, please." ...... apparently.