@jeannerbeaner: 95% of pet ownership is just saying "hello" to them in various tones.
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@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.
@gneicco: Great. Ban gay marriage. Remember what happened during Prohibition? Now we're going to have everyone making bathtub gay marriages.
@weinerdog4life: Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.
@clindsaysway: That awkward moment when the person who just made the elevator notices you were holding the 'close' button