@FrankTheDoorman: 97% of scientists believe climate change is man-made and causes rising sea levels of oceans. The other 3% believe Frank Ocean is an ocean.
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@piques15: *Working at Walmart* Lady: Hi these Thanksgiving Turkeys are a little small. Do they get any bigger? Me: No Ma’am, they are dead
@fro_vo: Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter Me: yes that's right Interviewer: where at Me: out in the lobby right before this interview
@canadasandra: I'm a puzzle wrapped in an enigma hidden inside a set of Russian Nesting Dolls, so deep, so profound that - what? Yes, I'll have fries.
@AlmightyBored: Me: I'm eating for two now. Him: Oh, are you pregnant? Me: Nooooo. Is that what that means?