@gruffybeard: Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan. Me: *makes another plate of nachos*

@hellohappy_time: [at deli] me: I'll take a platonic male friend that doesn't treat me like their manic pixie therapist lady: we have cole slaw me: ok

@RobDenBleyker: I'll never forget what my grandfather told me before he died. He said "Never forget what I'm about to tell you" then some story about corn.

@Bob_Janke: I have a picture of my uncle standing on a tank he and two buddies destroyed in WWII. I cut my fingernails too short and I might stay home.

@LuvPug: As an adult I've caused the most trouble by pressing 'send'