@jonnysun: a•c•q•u•a•i•n•t•a•n•c•e•s (tv show, sitcom): six peopel avoid grabbing a cup of coffee together for 10 years
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@notalogin: Romantic cop: Here, I brought you a flower. Competitive about everything cop: Big deal. I brought you a flowest.
@stevevsninjas: How Animals React To Smoke DEER: Bounds away. MOLE: Retreats to deep tunnel. BEES, WHO LIVE IN A HOME MADE OF ACTUAL CANDLE WAX: Naptime!
@EliTerry: I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named FIREWORKS AND VACUUMS so my dog won't find them.
@joshgondelman: I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is.