@jonnysun: a•c•q•u•a•i•n•t•a•n•c•e•s (tv show, sitcom): six peopel avoid grabbing a cup of coffee together for 10 years
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@SlabBaconBP: My son asked me what humble means. I told him it means pretending you're not better than everybody else.
@joeljeffrey: When I make my first million, Im switching from 2 ply toilet paper to white bread.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I got pizza sauce on my mouse. I need a new one. IT DEPARTMENT: You should just be able to wipe it off. ME: Too late, I ate it.
@juliussharpe: At the very highest level of karate, they give you pants that fit so you no longer need a belt.