@briangaar: A 13-pound baby was born in GERMANY?? C'mon Mississippi, this is why we keep you around
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@WilliamRodgers: When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning" I sleep in til noon, because I'm a problem Solver
@CheryeDavis: Set my phone to change K to Okay!! so I don't look rude. Now it looks like I'm all excited about stupid shit, and I'm Okay!! with that.
@Qckhd: Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun.