@briangaar: A 13-pound baby was born in GERMANY?? C'mon Mississippi, this is why we keep you around
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@mattgallo123: Febreeze works just like in the commercials, only instead of being impressed, mom comes home and says "it still smells like pot in here."
@House_Feminist: My friend told me he doesn't believe in having children so now I'm wondering if other people can see mine or if it's just me
@jergarl: It's not a real twitter addiction until you look up from your phone and you've missed your exit by 37 states.