@Girl_Censored: A 13 yr old just told me I was cool for an old person. I almost slapped her then she said "you're like 23, right? I bought her ice cream.
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@dongfuture: *stops walking* Wait, I think there’s a stone in my shoe *takes off shoe, shakes it upside down* *Mick Jagger hits the ground with a thud*
@noogscorner: When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as "the eye of the shitstorm."
@simoncholland: I feel like HGTV is creating some false expectations for the attractiveness of the contractor you hire for home renovations.
@Underchilde: They say they’re free weights, but the gym gets pissed if you put them in your car and leave.