@omically: a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread
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@weeziepeezy: No YOU hug her first .... NO YOU hug her first .... F-that ! YOU hug her FIRST ! .... -Lineup congratulating the Next Ebola free nurse
@OfficialMizGin: I put a message in an empty wine bottle and threw it in the ocean. It said, “Please refill and return to sender.” Now I wait.
@causticbob: A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife..
@GaryJanetti: Rio declares state of emergency just before Olympics. That's like inviting people to your house for dinner but you have no food. Or house.