@Ray_stephan: A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.
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@Dani_Feld: When a relative asks me what I'm doing with my life, I tell more lies than a guy at a computer whose wife just asked him what he's doing.
@amydillon: H: Is there anything new you want to try in bed? M: Actually... *stretches out alone in bed, sleeps for 8 hours* M: That was amazing.
@curlycomedy: You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.
@david8hughes: The plumber came to fix the toilet & said, "Where is the water main?" so I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."