@crunchenhancer: A 6'-6" guy doesn't scare me, but my 5'-1" wife does, if you were looking for inspiration to get married.
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@SamuelHLowe: -Why didn't you answer your home phone? -Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me? -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.
@MamaFizzles: 11yo said he can't wait to grow up so he won't have to do chores anymore. I had forgotten how cathartic it is to laugh until you cry.
@stephenjmolloy: Barber: "How would you like your hair cut, sir?" Me: "With scissors." Barber: "Very good, sir." *puts samurai sword down*
@GrantTanaka: sorry i'm still an undecided voter, but it's hard to pick just one when I love them both so very very much