@JoshKnightComic: A 72 year old benjamin button, is a pedophiles dream.
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@rockymomax: SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second
@LoveNLunchmeat: Once I read this story abt a meth addict, she'd vacuum her whole house daily, even the walls, and that alone was enough to keep me off meth.
@LostFelicia: I bought new sunglasses that blend well with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram.