@Mister_Burnham: A baby is a horrible paper weight because it just keeps rolling off the desk.
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@DecantAndPour: I always keep an empty milk bottle in the fridge just in case anyone wants a black coffee.
@Mr_Kapowski: "Don't tell me how to raise my cat!," I yell at my 7 y/o daughter who's chastising me for baby birding a tuna sandwich into my cat's mouth
@zachreinert03: My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen