@Mister_Burnham: A baby is a horrible paper weight because it just keeps rolling off the desk.
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@TheRobCee: Michael Cera, in a public restroom, pinned to the opposite wall by the force of the hand-dryer.
@Talkinghands69: Come close... Closer... Look deeply into my eyes and tell me what you see... Is it an eyelash? Seriously, help me out, it's killing me.
@faulkingway: (Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?