@thinkcomedy: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby
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@bashfulcoward: Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
@BlondAmbitionTO: Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?
@torahhorse: support small businesses like a mouse selling tiny umbrellas or even a bee selling tiny umbrellas
@Dawn_M_: I wrote "except zombies" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse.