@AntiJokeTyrone: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby
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@sfreeze6: Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.
@green_eyed_doll: It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
@DanMentos: "I think I have ADHD, doc" why? "I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford" that's not- "yeah I keep losing my Focus" get out of my office
@xLiserx: Dog Park Kid: What's his name? Me: Dorito. He's a therapy taco. Don't pet him. Kid:*Throws Ball* Taco:*Chases it. Lettuce flies everywhere*