@NicCageMatch: A barbed wire tattoo is a great way to keep people from breaking into your upper arm.
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@iamspacegirl: Me *writing*: she was like 12 slices of key lime pie in a dress- tart, cool, totally whipped. Her: I can hear you. Me: she could hear me
@WilliamAder: I remember my first time at a mic. "Cleanup on aisle 5" & "Price check-Advil" were two early bits that really seemed to resonate with folks.
@Neauxpe: If you post a selfie that says "because some of you asked for a new one" I want to see screenshots of where they said that.
@tastefactory: When I was going into surgery my dad said "Good luck w/ your surgery" and I said "you too" so now my dad has to get surgery too, he's pissed