@NicCageMatch: A barbed wire tattoo is a great way to keep people from breaking into your upper arm.
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@EyeSeeYou619: Having a bummer day? Here's an out of context Spider-man comic book scene that made me laugh.
@dafloydsta: [at the gym] ME: Hey, can you spot me? GUY: Sure, which machine? ME: *gestures to vending machine* Right over there
@ladybroseph: *A burlap bag is pulled off your head, a bright spotlight is causing you to blink* WHERE DOES THE ARCHIVED MICROSOFT OUTLOOK EMAIL GO.