@GroupieNo1: A beautiful girl said hello to me. I replied 'thank you' before I could think.
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@conanobrienswyf: All out of clean spoons so I guess I'll just eat this fat free yogurt with my gun.
@Smug_Lemur: *at interview* Him: What would you say are your strengths? Me: Words Him: Can you say more? Me: More Him: Me: I'm also good at directions
@patnspankme: Best part of being married is blaming your partner for shrinking something in the dryer because you're getting fat & it doesn't fit anymore.