@GroupieNo1: A beautiful girl said hello to me. I replied 'thank you' before I could think.
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@DrakeBell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco"
@kentgrossarth: Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.
@Rollmaninoz: Judge: and how does the defendant plead Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn’t do any crimes* Judge: HAH do it again
@flashember: [Enters baby room late at night] *flicks switch* [baby's got a raccoon in a headlock] "What the-" DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY