@imadepoopstoday: A better name for the Pope mobile would be a 'Christler'.
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@iwearaonesie: my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me
@MarfSalvador: Dad owl: I’m dying so I need you to look after things. I’m going to give you- Son owl: Don’t say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]
@iAmDelFreaky: I was overcharged by a plumber! So, I've been secretly training a gorilla to roll barrels at people. Tomorrow, we're kidnapping his girl.
@birbigs: At jury duty they said, "You do not have to be fluent in English." So what you're supposed to do is just guess if the guy is innocent.