@realHamOnWry: A bird in the hand is never as fun as a hand in the bush.
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@murrman5: [on way to play charades with gf's family] I don't wanna go why I don't wanna look silly you won't *first thing I have to act out is pasta*
@DillDoes: Dude the goverment isn't spying on you. You're not interesting *meanwhile in a secret base* "dont let him say that to you. You're amazing"
@DomesticGoddss: Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7.