@piyush938: A birth certificate is a basically a baby receipt.
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@Ristolable: ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT
@VodkaThursday: Once Prince dies there will be some freaky shit that comes out like he ate only butterflies or bathed in babies or something. Mark.My.Words.
@VeganZebra: *drinking my first beer with my dad* "I can't believe you made me eat the other ones"