@david8hughes: A black James Bond? Wouldn't work. He'd be pulled over every 15 minutes for driving an Aston Martin.
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@wittwitbarista: Him: let's play a game of rhyme. I'll go first. Romantic Me: Panic Him: Fun Me: Run Him: love Me: shove Him: this isn't going well. Me: hell
@thetits: [in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME
@JasonLight73: Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I'm way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!
@DanielRCarrillo: Rejected names for lumberjacks: -Woodroberts -Treedaves -Logjeffs -Forestbills -Timberjims