@alextranquada: A black shape emerges from your attic; all you can see are claws. You’ve made $4000 in 30 minutes working from home, but at what cost?
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@ConanOBrien: One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.
@KalvinMacleod: I bet the only thing more stressful than defusing a bomb is letting your husband pack for a big trip.
@Contwixt: Me- "Sorry I can't" Friend- "Why not?" M- "Working on my book" F- "Neato! What about?" M- "It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"
@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her? Me: No, I meant you're standing in front of me.