@omgthatspunny: A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
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@TheBoydP: *Wife sends me a link* *I click on link* *Buy whatever's at the link* *wait for delivery* ~Christmas shopping for my wife
@Vice_Queen: My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world's biggest loser, he'd still only win 2nd place.
@Michael1979: If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for:
@somecleverthing: Want to avoid making excuses when people ask you to hang out? Always say no when someone asks "wanna hear something amazing?"