@omgthatspunny: A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
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@3sunzzz: Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever.
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Pharrell eating at Arby's] "I want a new look" Like a new hair cut? "Something crazier" *notices the hat in the Arby's logo* "I've got it!"
@bananagrvyrd: So apparently you're supposed to change the lint filter in the dryer more than once a year firemen are hot
@StevieKnip: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy