@thom_ebooks: a bottle of cyanide labeled GHOST PILLS
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@SteveSuckington: "What if I tried to put a ball somewhere and you tried to stop me" -guy who invented sports
@causticbob: At a job interview "What are your strengths?" "I'm an optimist and a positive thinker" "Can you give me an example?" "Yes, when do I start?"
@NonCombosMentos: *incoming text* "hey bud can I crash at ur place" Sure come on over *sound of approaching airplane*
@AcrimoniousClwn: Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.