@thom_ebooks: a bottle of cyanide labeled GHOST PILLS
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@juliussharpe: Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you.
@JoParkerBear: Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous. You're practically begging for typos.
@Douchekevin: When the police officer asks how much have I had to drink tonight- 'all of it' wasn't as funny to him as it was to me.
@YWIR: Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile