@jakob_huber: A bottle washes on shore with a note inside it: "Go swimming, the water's great! And there's no sharks! P.S. this wasn't written by a shark"
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@TheToddWilliams: COP: Your home was robbed ME: Dang I had a self-designed alarm system C: Didn't work M: Back to the drawing board C: They stole that M: Dang
@toastymoe: Me, at food counter: Those bacon burger sliders look delicious, 3 please . Her: Sir, those are calves and piglets & this is a petting zoo!
@lisaOoOo: I want you to drag me to the bedroom, softly lay me down, & kiss my neck. Now go clean the house while I take a nap.