@jakob_huber: A bottle washes on shore with a note inside it: "Go swimming, the water's great! And there's no sharks! P.S. this wasn't written by a shark"
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: God: You'll be cursed to travel the desert for 35 years Moses: *slipping him $20* How about 30 [Later] Moses: We must wander for 40 years
@letschillyo: iPhones need a feature where an incoming call doesn’t take up the whole screen so u can do other things while u ignore a phone call
@LoveNLunchmeat: Around my neighborhood I'm affectionately known as "Please stop taking pictures of my flowers you weirdo."
@WilliamAder: Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with ".gov"?