@FilthyRichmond: A box of Cadbury creme eggs just propositioned me. Now we're in a van together.
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@pitbull_wizard: [blind date is waiting nervously at the table] *I slowly emerge out of my own massive vape cloud and begin walking towards her*
@ValeeGrrl: Ah, spring is here. Time to open the windows and remind my neighbors that I know every word to the "Grease" soundtrack.
@briancthayer: [Halloween] Lady: what are you this this year? Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I'm at 10% and it's only 7pm. Lady: *faints*