@causticbob: A boy asks his mom, "Why am I black and you're white?" She says, "Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark"
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@ticknada: Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don't fool me. Oh that's your bf. You still don't fool me.
@UNTRESOR: "Sorry, boss. I can't come in today." "Why not?" [fakes a sore throat] "I'm in jail for vehicular manslaughter."
@generaldietz: Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what? Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir.