@causticbob: A boy asks his mom, "Why am I black and you're white?" She says, "Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark"
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@theoduscrane: I wonder who ate the first egg. Like who said, "I'm a eat the white ball that chicken just shit out."
@patrickmarkryan: Two drivers crash into each other. They both finish writing their texts before getting out of their cars to inspect the damage
@brendohare: Why do people say "Cannonball" when jumping into a pool, but no one says "I'm jumping into a pool" when firing a cannonball #Interesting
@Darlainky: A costumer just said to me that my daughter and I look like twins. And I was like, "Well, we were separated at birth."