@moooooog35: A bright side to having kids is that if I'm ever trapped in my car I have 3 years worth of half-empty water bottles and goldfish to live on.
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@sixfootcandy: Him: Let's get you out of that dress. Me: Be careful Him: Why? Me: If you tug at my Spanx hard enough, I'll pop open like a can of biscuits.
@UncleDuke1969: You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I unfollow you. You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I block you. "A Game of Phones"
@C00LpenNAME: I totally just realized that Dora the Explorer and Vlad the Impaler have the same middle name