@moooooog35: A bright side to having kids is that if I'm ever trapped in my car I have 3 years worth of half-empty water bottles and goldfish to live on.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TwatWaffler69: If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there's nothing I can do about it.
@CoolCamel69: Son, I found some drugs in your backpack "Dad I swear they're not mine" DAMMIT SUSAN, THEY ARENT HIS. 1st time we were proud and you blew it
@Donna_McCoy: I update my Facebook picture to a jail mugshot over the holidays so my family will go visit someone else.
@ghostovpiss: what if spiderman shot spaghetti out of his wrists instead of webbing and worked at the olive garden