@HatfieldAnne: A brightly-colored van drives slowly down our street. Kids gather excitedly. It is the Edible Arrangements truck. We are all betrayed.
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@davedittell: WIFE: Dave's here HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves? ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!
@JohnLyonTweets: There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
@yerpalmildsauce: *noise* GF: there's somebody in the kitchen! ME: *already unsheathing my blade* that's where the food is
@Parkerlawyer: Hubs cleaned out the garage without being asked so I'm looking back over the Ashley Madison list just in case I missed something.