@HatfieldAnne: A brightly-colored van drives slowly down our street. Kids gather excitedly. It is the Edible Arrangements truck. We are all betrayed.
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@3_livi: Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
@magicraisin: She said: "I want to have your children." . Me: "They'll be on the first bus in the morning."
@Marlebean: *sees cute doctor in scrubs* *falls over* HELP! I need mouth-to-mouth! Doc: ... Me: Aren't you obligated to help? Husband: GET UP!
@stuartrutten: For lunch today, I think I will have a blistering hot bowl of ice cold soup. Thanks microwave.