@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
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@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Reasons he didn't text you: - He forgot. - He fell asleep. - His phone died. - His pet died. - His GF died. - He died. - He thinks you died.
@david8hughes: [the followin is based on a true story] *clips of me hittin my shin on my bed every nite for a year* Narrator: its like he forgets its there
@TheCatWhisprer: [1 of 4 car accidents caused by texting & driving] PEOPLE: won't be me [1 in 292 million chance of winning powerball] PEOPLE: you never know