@AimeeHelene1: A bug is just a bug until you put one on someone's face.
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@Mikecanrant: The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street.
@ceejoyner: Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it.
@10InchesPlus: Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost.
@skitzoette: Never confuse a colostomy bag with a whoopie cushion. Totally ruined Grandpa's 90th birthday.