@krustythe_klown: A bum gets on a bus and walks past a nun. The nun says "youre going to hell". The bum yells "Damn, Im on the wrong bus" ! :D
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@XplodingUnicorn: I stopped my pig from eating a penny. I don't know why. I was so close to having a real live piggy bank.
@Pumpkinbabypie: HB: *text* hey, what’s for dinner? Me: Roast Chicken. HB: cool, you need me to pick up anything on my way home? Me: yes, a roast chicken.