@Neauxpe: A bunch of black dudes were standing in front of my gardening equipment.
Bros before hoes.
@SeanEmeny: My reaction to Kit Kat prices: $1 good deal. $1.25 ok. $1.50 whoa. $1.75 what are we at the OPERA?!
@HorribleDancer: My grandfather died during sex. I still cry when I watch the video.
@Jesssicle: People are writing condolences on my Grandma's Facebook that sound more like Yelp reviews of her. Great woman, very loving, 5/5 stars
@Kyle_Lippert: MIND BLOWING SCIENCE FACT: 20% of all car crashes are actually battles between the Autobots and the Decepticons.
@Fred_Delicious: Cool prank: lead 50 pugs to the top of a waterslide & send them down 1 by 1 as the parents waiting at the bottom get increasingly confused