@Neauxpe: A bunch of black dudes were standing in front of my gardening equipment.
Bros before hoes.
@jus4golf: Last night I got so drunk I spent an hour apologizing to a tree for saying it's bark was worse than it's bite.
@crunchenhancer: Wife: Silent
Me: What's wrong?
Me: Grabs shield and sword
@hell_homer: Gandalf chuckled to himself as the boat left shore. "I just noticed," he whispered, "your name sounds like Dildo" #LastLinesFromGreatBooks
@stevevsninjas: Fox: Winter is here. We need a plan to survive.
Bear: I have a great idea! We just sleep until spring.
Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
@DaHess1: I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the shit out of each other because it's negative.