@DamonHunzeker: "A Bunch of Stuff I Remembered and Then Compiled into a Narratively Cohesive Yet Inconsistently Compelling Tome: A Memoir"
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@Phook75: Whenever my neighbor looks like they want to speak to me. I collapse to the ground motionless as if I were one of Andy's toys.
@scottthetwat: I received 10 pounds of pot in the mail by mistake. So I did the right thing and called the police to come pick up all 4 pounds.
@MarlonBrandNO: I stuffed my mom last night. I know you're thinking I have an Oedipus complex and that's gross but jokes on you I'm a taxidermist
@Bexdora: ROMEO:But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? ME:Well if you'd just sod off like I asked, I wouldn't have to throw lamps at you.