@wolfpupy: a bunch of us teens are going out to the forest to burn a piece of paper that says 'responsibilities' on it. for symbolism
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@drhappyknuckles: DOCTOR: Ted, you're dying. PATIENT: My name isn't Ted. DOCTOR (checking clipboard): Linda, you're pregnant.
@markedly: What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise
@GrantTanaka: [scans box of condoms at self checkout] UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA [scans again] UNEXPECTED ITEM wtf [scans again] I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU
@Torgo_phylum: Shania Twain: That don’t impress me- Me: [takes all of my laundry out of the dryer without dropping any of it on the floor] Shania Twain: oh shit wow