@KimmyMonte: A burrito.. in a bowl? Sure that sounds great! And while you're at it, why don't you rip the blankets off me while I sleep, u piece of shit
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@JeffLoveness: "I would absolutely say I'm an introvert!" - Guy screaming to his table full of friends at brunch.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: You should cut your toenails. Wife: Huh? M: You're scratching my leg. W: I'm WAY on the other side of the bed! M: That's kinda my point.
@2tickytacky: She had soft, black hair, and big, brown eyes. We went for a walk. I told her I loved her. Now she's gone. She took off after a squirrel.
@Harbinger_one: This mouthbreathing, fat creepy dude at work baked a cake and wrote, "Eat cake if you want to be my girlfriend" on it. I'm so torn right now