@egg_dog: a car is a metal ravioli and you are the meat!
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@TheSnideOne: Face tattoos are a great way to let people know that you don't owe on any student loans.
@briangaar: Honey, look what I found on our son's computer *opens folder of walkthroughs, wife starts sobbing* I'm calling the police
@LostFelicia: If I die, someone please tell my husband that my shoes are worth six times as much as I said I paid for them.
@TheHyyyype: [taking girlfriend out] her dad: have her back at a reasonable time me: don't worry sir *clicks seatbelt* i have her back all the time her dad: propose