@Social_Mime: A car says a lot about the owner. I have a KIA which tells people I have bad credit.
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@BruceForce: Trying to convince my wife that the white powder on my nose is cocaine to hide the fact I've eaten a large sugary donut
@Coolisiana: (Date) ME: Watch this *ties cherry stem with tongue* HER: *giggles* 1-UP WALLY: *places Rubik's cube in mouth and pulls it out solved*
@phaggots: [texting my girlfriend] wyd? "Just finished my homework" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!
@ErrenMichaels: You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget.