@__MICHAELJ0RDAN: A ceiling fan wont cut a bagel in half, not even on top speed
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@Tmoney68: I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.
@novicefather: [Personal ad] Seeking hostile female rage rhino to suffocate me with her thighs. Smoker's cough a plus. Oxygen tank required. No crazies.
@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.