@__MICHAELJ0RDAN: A ceiling fan wont cut a bagel in half, not even on top speed
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@GuyThe_Guy: You can learn a lot about a guy when you go through the pockets of his pants that are at his ankles in the bathroom stall next to your's.
@ahamedweinberg: Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don't wanna walk around doing grave math.
@lecalabara: Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back.