@crunchenhancer: A chihuahua is just a barking cat.
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@YoungNobler: Underwear isn’t protecting you from your pants. It’s protecting your pants from YOU! Another conspiracy uncovered.
@ericsshadow: As a kid I thought a lot about growing up, getting a job and having kids, but not this job and certainly not these kids.
@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
@AristotlesNZ: Cop: "You been drinkin?" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny "You're free to go.." Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?