@crunchenhancer: A chihuahua is just a barking cat.
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@dreamthievin: I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial
@UncleDuke1969: "I'm not angry, just disappointed. You need to try harder. This is important! Do I make myself clear?" "Sorry, sir. Here's your ketchup."
@SardonicTart: Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.
@thejessbess: I wrote a poem: Dinosaurs, they used to roar, but... No more. Still mad atchu, meteor.