@LizHackett: A child is being pushed around in a pink toy convertible while eating a chocolate frosted donut, and I want to ask her how she got this job.
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@Yankeegiant72: The bad news: I shaved off my beard. The good news: none of my co-workers recognize me and have stopped talking to me.
@JB4Realz: If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him. Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest.
@KimmyMonte: *comes into work with black eye* oh please I'm fine guys! But you shoulda seen the other guy. He was a cabinet door that i walked into