@frankpallotta: A Clinton is running for POTUS, a Jurassic Park movie dominated the summer box office, and they found a knife on OJ's property. It's 1994.
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@Pundamentalism: I've got butterflies in my stomach this morning, and a lifetime ban from the Entomology section at the Natural History Museum.
@Thynebear: [on the phone with wife] Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin? "Tell me why." [winks at tattoo artist] No reason.
@causticbob: I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date. Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [tries to walk into my How to Use a Revolving Door class and ends up outside again] what the heck