@whereami18: A close talker, a loud talker, and a cougher walked into an elevator to punish me for not hitting the close door button fast enough.
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@ThisOneSayz: Bring a toddler to your next robbery. Their smudgy fingerprints everywhere will make the forensics team cry.
@BringDaNoyz: *walks up to counter at funeral home* EMPLOYEE: Can I help you? ME: Hi, yes, I'll take one death, please.
@DiamondLou69: Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.