@garrettbarry70: A clown sighting was reported at the office this morning but it turns out Karen put her make up on in the car again.
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@LeBearGirdle: Me: [from table] garćon! *claps hands* another round for my date and me. McDonald's cashier: sir, you have to come to the counter to order
@GoldenSpirals: [At Doctor] Me:I'm having chest pain Doc:Did you buy a new bra? Me:Yes! Thanks for noticing! Doc:I meant it could be causing the pain Me:Oh
@MattElGato: Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.