@Prince_Smarming: A co-worker said to me, "Could you be any more annoying?" So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.
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@jimmytorosian: Scissors Commercial: *Montage of people karate chopping paper in half* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better... Nevermind that was rad
@TheFemKilljoy: The only time I hate being single is when I knock something over & catch it before it hits the ground but there's no one around to see it.
@KeetPotato: burglar: [breaks into house] my dog: "BARK BARK BARK BARK" burglar: [strokes dog's head] my dog: "i have misjudged this very nice man"